Little Demons

"Hello!"

"HI I POOPED MY PANTS!"

Um okay, so why is your child shitting themselves in public and then telling me?

I guess another day at The Bookstore begins. Today's fiery topic: YOUR LITTLE DEMONS.

Some of you probably just gasped and I assure you that you're the guiltiest parents reading this. You're the feather headed loafs that let your spawn loose on the unsuspecting retail world. Knocking over displays, eating candy Mommy did NOT pay for, amassing piles of items from all over the store on a random chair, screaming for toys, throwing merchandise across the aisles, hiding merchandise under shelves, or just knocking over every single book in a section are just some of the things those little demons like to do while you're off reading the latest parenting magazine.

I'd like to say, on behalf of retail workers everywhere, that STORES ARE NOT DAY CARE CENTERS.

Now that I've gotten started on this issue I'd like to share a personal story about some small hell-raisers who visited The Bookstore today. Let's start with how the mayhem all began...

The door opens with a ding and like a trained animal I call out with a pleasant "Hello!" with extra hearts and stars. Several wild creatures run through the door screaming followed by their MOTHER (If we want to call her that...) who was carrying a laptop. The mother sat down in the cafe, bought nothing, and proceeded to screw around on her laptop all evening. MEANWHILE, the hellions ran rampant grabbing books left and right to pile up in our Kids section. The smallest one crept behind the counter while I was training the new girl (bless her soul) and asked us for food. I asked him to come out from behind the counter and he slowly edged out asking if we had food. I told him that we sold food in the cafe and to tell his mommy or daddy that he was hungry. He disappeared for a moment and then returned while I was talking to my manager. He interrupted us to say that he was hungry and wanted food. I asked if his mother gave him any money and he said that she didn't have money (Just a laptop...). He insisted that we give him free food and I told him that we could only give him food for money. He stomped his foot and growled at me...

LIKE A VICIOUS LITTLE DOG. WHAT THE HELL?

After he stormed off I thought things had quieted down... until the new girl and I visited the Kid's section on a training mission.

HOLY EFF....

Remember the part of the Jumanji where the monkeys get loose in the house? Okay maybe the part with the stampede... anyways the section was wrecked. Merchandise littered the floor, the books were in no sort of order on the shelves and a pile of them covered the table. Part of me kind of snapped on the inside and my heart grew three sizes too small. My smile melted into a puddle on the floor that I later had to recover to finish the night. I told the new girl that "This happens" and we fixed the whole thing.....

NOT FIVE EFFING MINUTES LATER THE LITTLE DEMONS TRASHED IT AGAIN...

You know those announcements you hear at night about the store closing soon and they tell you that you have ten minutes to finish shopping? Let's just put it like this, we don't do them every night.

It took an extra half hour to clean up ONE family's mess. So, I'm wondering why I'm not getting paid a Nanny's salary. If you aren't willing to raise your children with some respect then please give them to someone who will! I'm serious. It is not a retail employee's job to cater to your children. I actually like children!

BEHAVED ONES.

I THINK THEY'RE SUPER FRICKIN' CUTE.

The little demons YOU bring into the store... well... THEY SUCK. So in the future, please gauge the ability of your child to not be a complete freakzilla in public before you take them out. I don't bring my obnoxious Yorkie into your workplace and let her run free, so why would you let your child do so in my work place?(Yes, I DID just compare your child to my bitchy little dog.)

Now that I've finished hating on you I've got to go wipe the pee off the bathroom walls from your son's apparent misunderstanding of what a toilet is.

"Thanks for stopping by the Bookstore! Have a wonderful-

"MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I WANTED THAT DANCING DINOSAURS BOOK! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*Door muffles sounds of supersonic exodus