Welcome back to "The Bookstore" where all your shopping dreams will come true. ("The Bookstore" is not responsible for or subject to any shopping dreams or any variety of dreams not coming true.)
Hello again, I'm surprised you're even reading this after how you yelled at me over the phone today. You customers always think the phone is an acceptable place to release your emotions on unsuspecting employees. You act as if I purposely told our warehouse to lose your book. And then following your accusations you insist I call the warehouse on your behalf to remedy the situation.
NEWSFLASH: THE WAREHOUSE HATES ME.
YOU might as well call the warehouse! Because when I politely call (despite knowing it will do no good) and begin describing the problem with your order they interrupt me to ask whether or not I'm making the call from "The Bookstore"...
AS IF I'D CALL FROM MY HOME ABOUT YOUR ORDER?
When I convince them I'm for real they offer me nothing I didn't already know (along with a big helping of sass) I switch back to the line you're waiting on and have to hear you scream about how you needed that potty training book yesterday. I try to tell you we have 8,513 other potty training books in "The Bookstore", but you tell me that only "Mr. Poopington's Potty Training Excellence" will suffice.
And ladies and gentlemen that's when I hear "THE SPEECH".
Let me explain "THE SPEECH". This completely pointless, and overused mound of verbal garbage is commonly wielded by the self righteous customer worldwide. It is more or less a mass of indignation covered in layers or sarcasm, wounded pride, and irrational anger.
An example of "THE SPEECH":
"What do you mean you can't have my book shipped from Japan in two hours? The lady yesterday said you could! WELL FINE. I don't have to shop here anymore! You OBVIOUSLY have no regard for the customer. YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE SUCKS. I'm calling your CEO to complain and tell them about how I, GOD'S GIFT TO THE WORLD, didn't get my way! And that lady who told me my book WOULD be in... I WANT HER FIRED. I will camp outside of your store until I get her name and once I figure out who it was I WANT HER GONE. OH, and by the way, I'm putting this experience on my blog! I have 213 followers and they will ALL hear about what TERRIBLE service this place has! The Bookstore will go out of business when I, BITCHY IMPOSSIBLE CUSTOMER, am through!"
So you see, this is an example of THE SPEECH. Whether it's over a late order, a mislabeled item, an innocent mistake at the register, or the fact we don't carry the obscure Swedish clog shaping manual you want THE SPEECH is a reoccurring tragedy in the retail world.
And well, the truth is, us retail workers have heard it all before. You rage like a lunatic about the injustice we have served you, and act as if you have the power to crumble the company. We nod, apologize, smile, and roll our metaphoric eyes at your insults. The best part is, YOU ACT LIKE IT'S OUR FAULT. You yell at me as if I am the sole reason everything in your life is wrong.
WELL... If you're going to be like that you might as well scream at your mailman/mailwoman the next time a letter from your Grandma is late.
YOU PEOPLE ARE RUDE.
If my work caused you to contract venereal diseases, lose a suitcase full of money, or get an unsightly tattoo then I'd perhaps feel regret and understand your rudeness...
BUT ALL I DO IS SMILE AT YOU. DAMN.
Now, in conclusion to today's trip to hell, I have some advice.
DON'T THROW YOUR CIGARETTES ON MULCH. WHOEVER STARTED THAT FIRE IN THE PARKING LOT TODAY IS A DAMN BARBARIAN.
"We can't wait to see you again at The Bookstore!"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
People seem to have the simultaneous contradictory notions that retail employees are both all-knowing, all-powerful corporate agents individually responsible for every item and policy and slaves meant to cater to the customer's every whim. I believe that every person should be mandated to work retail at least once in their life in order to learn how to be a good customer.
ReplyDelete